Christy’s Lifestyle Essentials

I have so much to share with you that it’s hard to figure out just where to start. This is a story of my journey through trauma, violence, a slew of mental health issues, and how I’m overcoming them. I’ll begin by saying that I did not have a great childhood and bad things did indeed happen. However, I’ll try my best to avoid details and trigger words as I know how it feels to get dysregulated from them. I hope that by telling my story, you’ll understand me better, you’ll learn ways to understand yourself better, and you’ll be inspired to be your best self every single day!

When telling a story, you have to start from the beginning, right? Let’s touch on that a little. Like I said earlier, I’m not going into details here, but I have to give you something from this time period. It’s the biggest factor in determining who I would turn out to be.

I was born on a cold and snowy night the last day of January 1980. My parents were young and had puppy love, but I don’t think they were ever really in love. They were both 18, about to be 19, and felt rushed into marriage because of me. I know it’s not my fault, but there’s always a domino effect. My point is, there were problems from my first day of life. They spent a couple of years in unhappy wedded misery before they separated and ultimately divorced.

After the divorce, my mom moved back in with my grandparents with the hopes of getting on her feet. My dad went down his own path, but I’d spend the weekends with him. I loved my mom, but I enjoyed those times with my dad more than anyone ever knew. Soon after moving back home, my grandpa made a very bad decision which costed him many years of his life. He’d committed a horrible crime by taking someone’s life. He had to pay for what he’d done and he spent the rest of his good years in prison. My grandma died soon after from being heartbroken and my mom was left alone. Sure, she had two brothers and a sister, but they never helped her much. She couldn’t afford the mortgage and had to let the house go into foreclosure. We spent a few years afterwards living in the car, in motel rooms, and in tiny trailers that were falling apart. My mom surely struggled, but she always made sure I had what I needed.

Where was my dad at? Well, he picked me up for most of his visits until I turned the great, young age of 7. I guess he decided that it was all too much for him and walked right out of my life. I’m not sure what exactly he couldn’t handle – was it me? Was I too much? Was it my mom’s completely idiotic marriage to my stepfather? She married him when he was in prison after all. He was in prison for the four letter word that makes all women cringe. It starts with an R and I’ll leave it at that. How could she even consider this? Marrying someone with his background when she had a young daughter. How could my dad just leave me there?! This sets the stage for what happens during my horrendous and nightmarish older childhood and teenage years.

“Dear Dad”

I cried out for you thousands of times.

Nowhere around, you left me behind.

Why did you do that? Why did you leave?

I couldn’t understand it, didn’t know how to grieve.

I was told I wasn’t worthy of your love or your time.

That monster did tell me that I wasn’t worth a dime.

He made sure that I was broken, helpless and in misery.

He told me so often that I believed him you see.

I found you, I did, after twenty-four long years.

You used some lame excuse and ignored my tears.

You felt that I should forgive haphazardly.

But I really could not do that – I was hurt, you see.

Hurt by your leaving, hurt by the pain.

Hurt by everyone who said they loved me, in vain.

You walked out again, as easy as that.

You couldn’t handle the words that I spat.

I was being real, letting all of the bad go.

You should’ve understood the feelings, but no.

You acted like it was my fault, like everyone does.

I started to believe all those lies, well because..

Because they’d been told to me many times before.

“No one cares about you” with the slam of a door.

No wonder I broke, my heart full of sadness.

I just couldn’t understand the utter madness.

I’ve been writing too long and I’m getting too deep.

If I keep on writing this, I’ll never sleep.

So thank you for reading and I bid you adieu.

I look forward to writing more of these for you.

-Christy ♥️